The Doctrine of the Road Demon and The Mark(s) of the (Rollerski) Beast
An exclusive xcskiworld.com column by Levi Hensel. Find the complete index of columns by this author here
There are too many skiers who rollerski with aplomb and in a totally unfocused and uncaring manner. They rollerski only as a last resort, or when they are dragged out the door by their toe-bars, kicking (or not, as the case may be) and screaming.
It is an unfortunate reality. Rollerskiing should be taken advantage of by the greater mass of the skiing population, but it is not. Those “winter only” skiers (and you know who you are) that disparage rollerskiing’s beneficial nature (or are simply scared to death of it) need to find some rollerski inspiration. An injection of sunny disposition is clearly needed.
The ultimate hope is that, instead of picking fights with their rollerski inclined friends (with those danged declines being one of the top reasons people don’t rollerski in the first place) they instead find that they actually want to head on out the door, and roll on down the road. These snow-biased individuals need to realize that it is not the paralysis of fear that should grip them, but instead, that it is the sweet embrace of their bindings, and the strength of their carbon fiber poles that will ultimately save their ski racing souls.
The religion of rollerskiing certainly has its pitfalls. However, if you can firmly believe in your own, likely untapped, rollerskiing power, and repress your roadway fears, you will be a truly unstoppable force on the trails this winter.
So, to those “nervous nellies” of new pavement, I say this:
Do not see rollerskiing as the ultimate “necessary evil” (yellow klister, hands down, or maybe “hands together” more appropriately, certainly lays claim to that Luciferian title). Instead, know that rollerskiing is your salvation. It will insure that you will suffer less when the snow arrives. It will be your inspiration. It will lift you up (not just figuratively, but literally as well, because you’ll have more ski-specific strength) when you find yourself falling into the second ring of aerobic hell. It will be the angel who guides you safely to the finish line as you suffer through the bowels of respiration Hades.
Visualize your potential, and the many benefits you are deriving. Believe that you are a modern day Hercules of the road, with the hero-esq physique of Beowulf and the pavement-chewing attitude of Grendal. You are a Mad Max (on skis, sans wax, of course) Road Warrior, and you are the bearer of The Marks. No, not the triple sixes (although I have met a few “Spawn of Satan” race course designers in my time), but instead, you wear the marks of the Rollerski Monster.
Yes, your hands will burn like Dante’s Inferno, but when the snow falls, the flames will be quenched. When the time comes to ski with religious fervor, you can look down, and know that your gnarled and grizzled appendages identify you as a skier not worth messing with. You were able to cross the river Styx, run the gauntlet of fiery summer pavement, and ski back across using some sticks of your own. You are tougher because of it, and the searing memories tell the tale, to you, and to others.
To those skiers who have been out this summer, but need a little boost, I say this: Just, for a minute, and as an example, look down, and find your “Polar Line”. It is easily recognizable because it was branded to your chest on those long days in the sun. It horizontally bisects your body’s vertical axis, and is there because of those flaming ratcheted axles you’ve had strapped on your feet. Although this mark is, at times, confused by some Alaskans and Norwegians as the “Arctic Circle” (this being due to their plunge into total darkness for so much of the year, thus making the Polar Line hard to develop), it is, in actuality, a solar skiing badge of honor.
Do not hide in shame that Gondwanaland shaped (and sized?) patch of roadrash on your rump. Wear it with pride and honor, and with the knowledge that you were out there and that you got back up (despite your buddy’s annoyingly half-stifled laughs in the background) and continued down the road, to fight the good fight, and roll another day.
Celebrate your poling prowess, and straighten up your spine. Stop double-poling like a wet noodle and pole with some soul!! Imagine you’re James Brown with a guitar, or Ron Jeremy…well, at any rate, you are in your element, and you should be proud of it. Stand tall and ski strong. Do not roll along looking like a cat that has only narrowly escaped a drowning.
So go ahead and head out there. Value your V2’s and pamper your Pro-Ski’s. Make friends with your Marwes and spend time with your Swede-skis. You’ll certainly find, in the near snowy future, that you favor your Fischer’s, relish your Rossignol’s, gleefully masquerade on your Madshus’, and pass people on your Peltonen’s. Without a doubt, you’ll be better for having put in the time.
Make your pilgrimages to the pavement as this summer winds down, and continue to do it through the fall. Do it as often as you possibly can.
Remember that rollerskiing is not a penance, and you will not end up in purgatory because of it. It may be a tithing, but it is also money in the bank. It is a promise to yourself that you will project perfection when you ski. It is a golden opportunity to learn to glide with absolute grace. It is a chance to reach levels of sublime technical mastery that every skier should aspire to attain, for when it comes to effortless skiing, there are no physical expressions of sport more beautiful, nor as stunningly inspirational.
As you mark off the days until the first snowflakes drift down, do not neglect to notice your own marks of training majesty…and if you do not have any yet, go out and get some.
Rollerski on my friends, and until next time, keep your poles sharp and your wits sharper.
Levi Hensel lives in the skier paradise of Bend, OR where he races for XC Oregon/Therapeutic Associates Inc. He is proud to represent Fischer USA in his racing endeavors, and when not training vigorously, or writing absurdly, finds time to help coach, and drink a lot of coffee.
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